in an ambivalent state

Program Notes

Have you ever felt strongly about a subject but were unable to reach a clear point of view? Have you ever felt bittersweet when reminiscing about your childhood, or felt both excited and terrified before starting a new job? Ambivalence is the name for this common experience usually initiated by moments of transition. Unlike indifference, where someone lacks an opinion, ambivalence is the state of experiencing mixed feelings or contradictory ideas. 

I wrote in an ambivalent state for horn and fixed media for my good friend and colleague Grace Schulze. The piece blends the timbres of acoustic horn, synthesizers, and manipulated recorded sounds. To establish an ethereal and nostalgic setting, the piece uses recorded natural ambience, repeated motives, and synthesizer effects such as delay, resonant filters, and pitch bending. After a blissful opening section comes a transitional section led by filters and effects applied to the synthesizers and recorded audio. This lands the piece in an anticipatory section featuring an established pulse and playful rhythms. Almost out of nowhere, the piece finishes with the recorded natural ambience and a reestablishment of the main motive to provide a peaceful send-off.