On the Inside

On the Inside for reed quintet is a reflection on my experience from being diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) as an adult. I, like many other women, was diagnosed later in life, due to my symptoms not being very obvious. Many young girls are overlooked because of their fair grades, good manners, and quiet disposition. Hyperactivity presents itself in different ways depending on the person. For me and many others, it presents itself as inattentiveness. The struggle can be invisible. In the long run, not knowing that there is an actual wiring difference in your brain can end up being harmful to your self esteem, mental health, relationships, and other aspects of your life. I am eternally grateful for my diagnosis, and aware of the privilege of being able to seek professional help.

This piece mimics constant, overlapping thought patterns brought on by ADHD. From beginning to end, it is very fast-paced, containing many repeating lines that transform over time. While ideas come back frequently, they never come back in the same context. The density of polyrhythm increases as the piece progresses. To contrast this, a few sections contain entirely matching rhythms between parts. The harmony works within sections transforming up and down in small increments. The intent is to create an overall unstable feeling. The piece develops into an entirely unfamiliar ending, signifying how poor working memory can leave a person forgetting their initial thought.